What can you do to Make and Save Money When you are Newly Single?
Suddenly becoming single, whether you made the choice or not, can heavily impact your finances.
I have been divorced after 8 years of marriage (I left an abusive relationship).
Later, I had a separate relationship break down due to his alcohol and drug usage and cheating.
Both times were different but each time required financially rebuilding my life.
While it wasn’t easy, there is a lot you can do if you’re in this situation.
Also, while it might not sound great, it is a good idea to always be prepared.
I recommend having a squirrel fund (money stashed away), being smart with your money and knowing what to do, just in case.
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1. Protect Yourself
Whatever the circumstances are that brought you here, protect yourself.
Get financial advice.
Lock the accounts down.
Seek legal advice if you need.
Money and the end of a relationship can bring out the worst in people.
While you might have had everything together and they say it will be split fairly, the chances are it won’t.
Protect yourself and your interests first.
This doesn’t mean you need to get nasty.
Be factual, know your rights and be smart.
Never trust the other person to ‘do the right thing’.
My marriage was abusive and some of that got quite messy when splitting.
The second relationship was awful when it ended too.
He really screwed me financially with promises that never eventuated both throughout the relationship and at the end.
When I tried to get him to pay me back or be fair about money, he got extremely angry and it turned nasty quickly.
I was grateful it was done in a public place to be safer.
2. Remove Everything That Is Joint
If you don’t already have your own account, get one.
Switch your pay and anything else to this account instead of the joint account.
Look at the debts and bills.
Remove your name from anything you will no longer be responsible for.
For example, if you have moved out of the house, take your name off the electricity and other bills.
While you’re at it, redirect all your mail and update your address on everything.
Check your credit history too.
I’ve heard of numerous people who end up with debt they didn’t know about because their partners took it out in their name.
It’s easy to do online now if you have someone’s ID.
When it comes to superannuation and the rest of your finances, get it sorted legally.
You don’t have to use lawyers but be sure to finalise it all so you don’t get stung later.
There are numerous online only accounts.
Typically, they are fee-free and have less paperwork than traditional banks but you can use a regular bank too.
Do your research to find the right option for you.
3. Go Easy On Yourself
Ok, with the two big practical things sorted, be sure to go easy on yourself.
Breakups are hard.
Allow yourself time to grieve and sort through your new life.
You don’t need to make rash decisions or throw out everything connected to them immediately.
Do what works for you.
Get therapy if you need to, go out with friends, focus on self-care, read books, listen to podcasts and work through whatever you need to.
My Post Divorce Self
For me, after my separation and divorce, my life was messy.
We ended up homeless for a while and eventually moved back to Canberra to rebuild.
That stage of my life was intense. I share how I managed it on my other site.
During this time, my focus was on making enough money to support my kids and myself, as well as moving to Canberra.
Then I focused on helping others, raising money for charities and building a company.
My Post Boyfriend Breakup Self
After my breakup with the ex-boyfriend years ago, I took time for myself.
I read about addictions (specifically, loving an addict and healing from codependent relationships since he was a full-on alcoholic and later I found out he was also doing cocaine).
Books such as Women Who Love Too Much (all women should read it), feminine energy groups on Facebook, my family and podcasts helped a lot.
Learning to love myself again, my own interests and needs came first.
After a trip to the Solomon Islands, where I was disconnected from the world and had time to think, I decided to dedicate the year to myself.
In 2019, I made it the Year Of Me and set about doing all the things I had always wanted to do.
As a result, I lost weight, increased my finances, travelled a lot, made new friends and finally have the life I always wanted.
Because of the work I did for myself, when I went on that trip, I was in a better space for myself.
Still stressed as I was going through child custody but emotionally confident and strong.
That trip is where I met my partner and we’ve since had two babyies together.
I was single for a while, don’t rush into anything.
4. Focus On You
What do you love and what parts of yourself did you lose in your relationship?
Get back into your own hobbies, get active, focus on your health and do things for yourself.
In 2017/2018 I did more travel with my kids and on my own.
Then in 2019, I learnt to dive, hiked through Slovenia, and started surfing and other activities again.
Doing this gave me confidence, taught me what I love and I learnt more about myself.
Being confident with who I was and what I wanted made the relationship I have now much easier.
But take your time! It was almost 2 years between my break up to when I started this relationship. And I needed it to work on myself.
5. Find Other Ways To Make Money
Going from two incomes, if you combined them, to one can be a shock.
Look at ways you can make money without too much effort to make up the difference.
6. Avoid Relationships
Not permanently! Take the time you need to heal from this one before jumping into another.
Know what you want in your life, get your finances sorted, and be clear on your goals, lifestyle and if you have kids, their needs.
Get professional counselling if you need – both for your mental health and financial counselling. G
etting help isn’t a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength.
If you skip doing the work on yourself, you will bring the baggage from this relationship into the next.
It is also likely you will repeat similar mistakes and have similar issues in the new relationship.
7. Check Your Will
And check superannuation beneficiaries.
Often if we are in a long relationship, these things get changed so they are the beneficiaries. Change that asap!