12 Fun and Frugal Ways to Connect with Your Children
One of the comments we get a lot from our friends, teachers and others is about our relationship with our kids, how open my kids are with me, how close we all are, the things we do together etc.
Recently, we’ve been asked more about what we do, how we are close and tips in general to raise kids who are close to their parents and each other.
It most definitely is not about what you buy them, how many gifts they get or the size of your house!
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1. Gratitude and Compliments Every Night
Eat dinner as a family and every night we each say 3 things you are grateful for.
Give each other a genuine compliment about something you have noticed.
This way, everyone in the family is looking for good throughout the day instead of everything being negative.
With these things, focus on things you’ve learned, positive experiences or how negatives were turned into positives.
You can also discuss any issues you solved, problems you overcame and things you want to do.
2. Family Night
Once a week, do a family activity such as go to an event together, the beach, a bushwalk, watch a movie at home but make it special.
Make forts and popcorn so it is not your average movie night.
Create memories together, talk and have fun.
Commit to it when they are young and it will be easy to maintain as they get older.
3. Know Their Love Languages
For every relationship, it is easier if you know the other person’s love language. Be aware, this is also linked to any trauma or what someone lacked in childhood so it can reveal a lot.
The 5 Love Languages website has tests for you to work this out or if you read the book, you will likely see clearly what yours is and what language your kids are speaking.
Knowing their love language, you can do things that make them feel loved. Them knowing yours can help a lot too.
4. Turn the Radio off in the car
It is amazing how much kids open up when it is safe to do so.
With the radio off in the car, they can talk to you but you can’t react as much since you also have to drive.
They don’t have to maintain eye contact and can talk a little more freely and open up.
5. One-on-One Time
This is one of the most important things you can do with kids.
Getting their own one-on-one time with you and making that non-negotiable can make a huge difference.
This one on one time might include doing things such as nails, skincare or going for a walk together, doing arts or anything they enjoy.
6. Surprise Treats
Treats don’t need to be expensive. It could be taking one kid with you to get a Slurpee for $1 and just hang out.
Maybe playing their favourite video game with them or buying them a treat in the groceries.
Something which shows you are thinking about them.
Make it occasional. Most kids are so used to getting what they want and more compared to previous generations.
Scale it back and make treats occasional like they should be.
7. Cook And Eat Together
Cooking together as well as having meals together brings you closer and teaches kids life skills.
Talking, laughing, tasting the food, deciding what to do, it all builds confidence and connection.
If you aren’t confident in your cooking skills, you could start with meal kits.
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Use Pinterest, free magazines and Google for other recipes. Each night, set the table is set and eat together.
8. Massage or Back Scratch
People touch each other less now than ever before and that has a significant impact on our mental health.
When they are little they run to you, hug you, want to be near you all the time.
As they get older, this reduces, they become more independent but it can also be a reaction to you.
How open and available are you as they grow up? They learn from a young age if you’re on your phone all the time or too busy, that they need to look after themselves.
Then as they get older, their desire to be around you is less and less not only because of age but also because that is what they have learned from you.
As such, physical touch decreases which has a ripple effect on health.
Be conscious of being present in your kids lives, asking if they want a hug or something and being available.
A little shoulder massage or gentle back scratch relaxes everyone and can help kids wind down for bedtime too.
9. Sunday Breakfast
A cooked breakfast one day a week, when you don’t have to rush off and can enjoy the morning, can be amazing.
Cooking it together and sitting down to eat together is enjoyable, relaxing and makes them feel loved.
Pancakes or waffles or bacon and eggs and veggies are all fun options.
Scheduling a special time like this as a family is important for everyone and has benefits for your mental health.
It doesn’t need to be long or elaborate but it does need to be consistent.
10. Holiday Traditions
Every year, write a letter to your kids, sharing what you love about them, special memories from that year and proud moments.
At Christmas, do an advent calendar that has an act of service on it for each day plus a lolly.
Go see Christmas lights as a family.
Make special hats for their birthdays.
Decide on some traditions for your family and do them.
11. Let Them Be Themselves
Instead of shutting down all their ideas, telling them they are wrong or brushing them off, take time to listen.
Talk through their problems with them, or more correctly, let them talk and ask if they want help or advice or just want to vent.
We don’t all want to be told what to do or have our problems fixed all the time.
Sometimes we just want to vent and have someone we can safely say whatever to without them telling us what to do.
Make it a safe space. Let them talk to you in private if they want.
Think back to when you were their age or facing similar issues, what did you want from your parents?
Treat your kids how you wanted to be treated or supported and it makes a world of difference.
Remember, things that are huge issues to them at their age might not be in the scheme of things, but it matters to them so it should matter to you.
12. Have Clear Boundaries
You are their parent, not their best friend. Being open, having good communication and fun is important.
So is having clear boundaries and consequences for their actions.
Explaining why the rule is in place, having logic behind what you are doing and communicating clearly is essential.
Being A Fun Parent
For the most part, being present is enough. So many kids are not connected with their parents, don’t have dinner as a family and instead do their own thing.
They are watching screens all the time, reheating dinner and feel their parents are too busy.
Kids constantly say how much they wish their parents would spend some more time with them, listen to them, be at their important events.
What is important to them at their ages might not be important to you but it stays with them when you miss it.
All those small events and moments add up. It’s not about one big gesture, it’s about being there consistently and fully present
Choose a day to have one on one time with the kids, even if it is only 30 minutes to an hour. These things matter.
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